


How to shock a pack of stuck up gods

by Silvalina



Series: It's a raccoon, innit? [12]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Blood and Gore, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), God Philza Minecraft, God Wilbur Soot, God technoblade, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Minor Injuries, Raccoon Hybrid TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Raccooninnit, Ram Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, never learned it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29743494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvalina/pseuds/Silvalina
Summary: Techno the god of the NetherPhil the god of the EndWilbur the god of the OverworldTheir blessing fell on a particular hybrid this time, isnt that interesting?--------Fuck i should post more(may or may not make a small second chapter who knows)https://discord.gg/qNhBWRwbCb
Relationships: Philza Minecraft & Technoblade & Wilbur Soot, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Ranboo
Series: It's a raccoon, innit? [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097147
Comments: 40
Kudos: 668
Collections: Best of MCYT's, Completed stories I've read





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not be working on even more difffrent content so please keep an eye out! And enjoy this little clusterfuck bdwefcuiewc

Ever since the start of time, three gods roamed the realm of the sky, watching over the small world below them and its inhabitants. They were by no means gods that would bring harm on purpose, only to bring what was necessary.

Philza, the angel of life and death, the grey zone, the border, the line in between.

Wilbur, the silver tongue, the bringer of words sweeter than honey, of calming and soothing but also of lies and false things.

Technoblade, the god of everything that is pain, the god of war, the god of blood and destruction but also of strength and dedication.

These traits have always belonged to them, and none had changed over the time they existed. It was boring sometimes, being an immortal being, so the gods always picked people out to bless them, just to see what they would do.

Just like today…

“Do you really think we should bless this child? He doesn't look like anything special in particular.” The god of chaos mused. They had all been on the lookout for a new blessing bearer yet Phil had yet to find one, well before he stumbled upon that child anyway.

The angel just nodded, wings stretching out behind him as feathers fluttered around them.

“There is something about this kid, I feel a presence and a prophecy. This one shall be the one.”

Wilbur, this time surprisingly silent, agreed with a nod and they only waited for their fellow to agree as well.

With a roll of his eyes, the hybrid gave his word, all of them chanting their blessing of prosperity over the kid, waiting patiently for moments where he would use them in ways they could predict.

“Why are we even still doing this, I mean, all they always do is try and mess with nature to their own means. All they are is selfish and that's what they'll always be.”

Techno scoffed, crossing his arms dejectedly.

Wilbur rolled his eyes this time, sitting down on a soft patch of moss that was growing around the altar they were standing on.

You're always way too negative, let's just wait and see.”

\-------------------

**1.**

As it was, fate had not been kind to the boy.

As the gods watched, letting it wash over the world, the child's parents were taken from him way too early in his life. Landing himself in an orphanage and running away at the young age of eight also wasn't something that they think would have happened. But as they gazed down upon the child, holding himself sturdy while making a shelter in the deeper parts of the woods, they thought about the implications of what their powers could mean for the kid. Still, they only watched and never took initiative.

  
  


Tommy didn't think his life was fair.

Not when his parents died of the plague that killed almost all the inhabitants of his village, not when he was put in that orphanage and especially not when he was bullied there because of his hybrid features, that he was certainly proud of. So, he decided that he wasn't going to deal with it anymore and just ran away, only the clothes on his back and the small necklace around his foot, the last thing he had from his parents. He treasured and would protect it with his life, that's one thing he knew for sure, contrary to where he would sleep tonight or when he would get food the next time.

But he didnt care, anything was better than the orphanage. So, when he entered the forest, the midday sun just rising to its highest peak, basking the land around him in a warm golden glow, he felt content. Wandering farther through the forest, he soon found a rather medium sized hole at the side of a hill, right under a lot of trees. That would make the perfect place to build a shelter! So, the eight year old started with his little project, trying to remember everything his father had taught him when they used to build these things at the small forest at their own former home.

And while he did try to not think of his parents, a couple of tears still slipped down his face as he gathered all kinds of grass and moss to fill the ground of the hole with, creating ‘in-su-la-tion’ or whatever his dad called it. The ‘keep yourself warm’ space.

Yeah that fit.

He put more keep-warm on the ground until it was nicely covered before moving on to get all kinds of big branches, dragging them over to the small hideout he was making for himself. Before long, he had draped them over it as a cover for harsh weather, putting smaller sticks on top of them to fill the spaces. After that, leaves joined the fray, although it was hard to get everything under proper control and a few holes remained.

Nonetheless, Tommy was proud.

His tail swished behind him as he climbed inside of his nest, laying down on the rather cold moss, but it was his.

All of this, this hideout, his new home, it was his and no one else could get it.

Cold but relieved, he fell asleep on top of the patches of moss, curling in on himself to preserve heat, never noticing the plants that started to grow over the construct of leaves and branches over his head, finally patching everything up properly.

The gods above him just watched with raised eyebrows, wondering about the proficiency of magic of the child at such a young age, even with their blessings.

  
  


As it turned out, it wasn't the boy's intention to do such a thing, especially after the reaction and how he didnt even think that this was his own doing.

Tracing the petals and leaves with childlike wonder, Tommy walked over the grown over branches, trying to see how sturdy they were. With a smile he jumped back into his nest, happy that whatever god that had granted him this had been so kind.

His ears flicked at a noise that came from outside. It sounded like crying so he decided to leave the den once again, fluffy ears trying to pick up the noise again as he wandered into the direction of it.

A small boy with ram horns sat on the ground, crying over what looked like a small bee cradled in his hands. Tommy walked over to him with caution and decided to speak up.

“Are you ok?”

  
The boy looked up at the voice, surprise evident in his expression, ears flat against his head. He shook his head, not answering verbally, and showed Tommy the small form of the bee who looked almost like it was on its last legs.

The raccoon hybrid decided to go closer to the other and let a finger drift over the bees body.

“Maybe the gods will help us, they helped me stay warm yesterday too.”   
He tried to cheer the kid up and sat down next to him, cradling the bee by taking the rams hand in his own. Suddenly, a golden light enveloped both of their hands and as fast as it came it vanished, leaving powdery stains on both of their hands. 

To Tommy’s surprise, the bee sat in the ram hybrids hand, buzzing happily and climbing all over it. 

Said hybrid’s tears had stopped and he looked in shock between the bee and Tommy before setting said bee down carefully and jumping into the blonde’s arms, thanking him profusely even when he said that he did nothing of that. 

The gods were surprised by how easily he had utilized Philza’s gift, at such a young age too, but soon realized that it was more accidental and out of desperation.

Yet they all seemed more intrigued and interested than before.

The boy's name was Tubbo, as it turned out. He had been living in the forest as well, only for a couple of days though as he wandered around. When Tommy asked about family, the kid smiled sadly and told him that the same plague that killed the blonde’s family also killed his own.

That night Tommy fell asleep in a cuddle pile with his new friend, sheltered by the life that grew over their heads in small blessings.

  
  


**2.**

It had been four years since Tubbo and Tommy met each other. After their initial meeting, they bonded over their loneliness and decided to stay together, growing closer to each other with every passing day. They mostly kept away from any villages and only went there to do the occasional day job, otherwise they completely relied on their surroundings to survive.

And survive they did.

The years passed with Tommy discovering his affinity to life magic, to both of their surprises, and soon he could heal wounds and grow plants just with a touch, even if it exhausted his energy. Tubbo had also found some magic with him, although he was a little lesser than Tommy’s but important nonetheless. His affinity to animals and natural connection with them had given him the gift of talking with any animal while Tommy could only speak with those of his blood, namely rodents and raccoons. Both were not bothered by it and quite frankly excited to use their own gifts, thanking the gods for any blessing that came their way.

Though soon, something bad was bound to happen.

When raiders razed the town down that was next to their small hideout, Tubbo got captured by them, having just worked a small job at the local bakery, and Tommy was panicking.

The gods, meanwhile, watched down on him.

“Let's see what he will do. I mean, he showed to use his gift wisely but any human would run from threats, especially in such a situation.”   
Technoblade scoffed after he said that, looking down into the small vision portal.

“You're underestimating his spitefulness and courage, Techno. Lets just see what he will do.” 

As it turned out, he really had a spitefulness to himself.

Tommy had snuck on the wagon that carried the captured townsfolk, hanging down from under it so as to not get spotted by anyone. He was glad for his hybrid features, otherwise he would have never held himself up for so long.

When the wagon stopped and Tommy heard the raiders prepare to set up a nightcamp, he once again counted his blessings. If they reached the fortress then there would've been no coming back, not even alone.

So he waited for them all to fall asleep, thinking themselves secure as this town was one of the only ones in miles. That's when he hit.

Tommy jumped out of his hiding place and went over to his friend, slightly shaking him while ripping apart the rope on his wrists and ankles, doing the same to some of the other townsfolk who in turned freed each other and quietly left after he shooed them off, keeping thankfulness for later.

Of course, even the smallest commotion would not get unheard.

Tommy heard rustling and soon he and a couple of others found themselves surrounded with weapons pointing at their throats, raiders shouting at them.

At that moment, Tommy’s only thought was to protect Tubbo. So he did what he was best at.

He talked.

“So, you all would not want to capture them again and you know why? The king’s army is coming to protect them, I made sure to notify them before following you. Wouldn't you  _ rather try to save your own hides?” _

His voice shifted mid sentence, taking on a weird tone as he captivated the raiders with his words, making them believe every single word he said.

More and more words were added, false and empty threats but brought over in a way that they held a heavy weight, so that even the townsfolk around them started to believe him as they cheered, their confidence rising with every minute while the raiders soon fled, turning around and running with their weapons held tightly.

When Tommy later revealed that it was all a fluke, Tubbo laughed like there was no tomorrow, holding his stomach and almost collapsing as the blonde told him about how the raiders almost shit their pants from a twelve year old telling them lies.

Meanwhile, in the realm above them, Wilbur was in the same state as Tubbo. 

“I cant believe how easily he utilized it, holy shit his kid is hilarious. Philza we gotta make him ascend or something, please. We need some good jokes to counter Techno’s boringness.”   
  


“Boringness isn't even a word!”

Phil just chuckled at their antics. The silver tongue was in the end, still the silver tongue, witty and a jokester. And it seemed as if their charge had gotten these traits as well.

  
  





After the whole fiasco, peace started establishing itself among the residents of the town. Tommy was hailed as a hero and both him and Tubbo settled down in the town, getting help with building a small cottage for themselves as the least that the villagers could do for them since they helped them so much.

So the next years they spend their lives in the small cozy house, Tommy helping out people with his minor healing powers, working with the towns healer to help people. They were all very surprised by his gift but not repelled by the fact that he was a hybrid with a blessing, as some other towns Tommy was in did not regard hybrids as an equal to non hybrids. 

Thankfulness was something he wasn't exactly accustomed to but happy about nonetheless.

And Tubbo started his own small bee farm, putting up hives and caring for the bees like no tomorrow, selling the honey to the residents of the town. Since Tubbo and Tommy had met, he had always told the blonde about his dream of keeping such hives, so it came to no surprise when he had shown Tommy the small sign with a bee on it next to their house, declaring monopoly on the honey economy in their new home. Tommy had just laughed at the statement and helped him out sometimes, as the bees seemed to swarm to him just as they did with Tubbo.

Their lives seemed to take a turn for the better for once and they were endlessly thankful for it.

But for what comes next, they weren't that prepared.

One night, Tommy was out in the woods, searching for some easy food. It was a wonderful night to hunt in, so he took the chance to do just that, laying under some bushes to spot easy prey and shoot at it when the right moment arises.

WHat he didn't think would be to hear a scream echoing through the woods, capturing his attention immediately. He ran out of his hiding spot and followed the garbled noises of what seemed like an enderman in pain. Normally he would've just let it slide but he couldn't shake the feeling that something about these noises was more human than enderman. So after them he went!

As he neared a clearing, he could hear noises of zombies and skeletons accompanied by screams, making him run and aim his bow at the very first ones that he saw, shooting a zombie straight through the head and hitting a skeleton with the other. As he made his way through, he could see what they were attacking.

A young boy was sitting on the ground, cowering in front of the monsters, wounds bleeding profusely while arrows were sticking in his arms and legs. Tommy’s mind went wild at the sight, dropping the crossbow when he didn't have any more ammunition and starting to fist fight the monsters, his eyes going red and fists colliding with more and more monsters, cracking skulls between his bare hands. His lust for blood grew with every single cracked bone that got added to the pile.

After what felt like hours, only the soft noise of his own breath and short whimpers from the enderman hybrid were left.

Tommy only snapped out of his stupor when he heard the whimpers, blinking and turning around to see the small even split boy, pressing his eyes together and silently begging for him not to kill him.

The blonde kneeled down in front of him, blood all over his body, and took the hybrid's hands in his own.

Above them, Technoblade was impressed.

Somehow this kid had taken the bloodlust that came with his blessing and controlled it to a degree where he didnt kill anything in sight, even offering kindness to someone who's weak, an easy target.

He couldn't wrap his head around it as Phil and Wilbur sat next to him, looking at Tommy with an impressed expression. He was exceeding their expectations rapidly.

Meanwhile, Tommy had taken the enderman and went on his way back to their house in the village, taking a dip in the river beforehand to get most of the blood off.

So he was clearly soaked through and through, but it was all worth it.

“So, you said your name was Ranboo, eh?”

The enderman nodded, cradling his arm which was in a sling, made by Tommy’s ripped shirt.

The rest of the walk went by fast and soon they found themselves in front of the blondes' house, a worried Tubbo already outside and fussing over them both, taking them inside to take a look at their wounds. The raccoon hybrid just smiled and let a hand wander over the scrapes of his own body, all of them lighting up and disappearing in an instant. Ranboo was awestruck, getting sat down by Tubbo on a chair next to their fireplace.

“Your healing magic is magnificent, I didn't know such a strong one existed.”

Tommy just blushed at the compliment, plopping down on a seat next to the enderman.

“Though let me ask, what have you been doing in that forest at night? It's very dangerous.”

Ranboo winced at a pull off the bandage around his arm, answering Tubbo’s worried ‘too tight?’ with a nod before turning to Tommy.

“I fled from my home. I- They threw me out when they found out of my heritage…”

Tommy just sighed at that, putting his head in a hand, looking at Tubbo wrapping the bandages around the endermans face, said hybrid wincing again. The blonde stood up and put a hand over the arrow wound in his leg, a golden light emitting from his hands and sinking into the wound, healing it instantaneously. After it was done, he sat back done and breathed deeply, golden dust clinging to his and Ranboo’s skin.

Tubbo huffed and pouted, scolding Tommy for overexerting himself again, especially after such an apparently stressful situation which Tommy just waved off.

Ranboo smiled at them in the background while the gods above them were just shaking their heads, Phil feeling the exhaustion of his powers in Tommy’s body.

“So many people have misused this power and then there's this- This child selflessly healing others and helping them out?”

Techno was having a mental breakdown, leaning against the altar where the vision was reflected upon. He would've never foreseen that humans were like that, all the evidence and the experiences of people misusing their powers over and over and over again…

Wilbur sat down next to him, patting his back.

“I know Techno, I know…”


	2. +1!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little thing that i wanted to add to the actual one shot but i was too impatient to wait and one thing went to the other yknow

**+1**

They had made a grave mistake. 

This war was already bad but an ambush on them while they roamed the battlefield by people that regarded themselves as ‘God Hunters’?

Pitiful humans, and while they were taken care of the three had still suffered a little bit.

Wilbur had a large wound on his stomach from a sword, blood gushing out of his mortal form while Phil’s wings had taken some damage, bloody weathers hanging from his frame. Meanwhile, Techno was still in a blood craze, having killed the group but still not being satisfied. It was horrendous and the angel of life and death didn't know if their mortal forms would survive this. It would be a major inconvenience, especially because their forms would need millenia to regenerate.

So, he took matters into his own hands and let fate wash over them, teleporting them right in front of the doorstep of a particular blonde…

  
  


Ranboo didn't think he would wake up to knocking from outside. He rolled out of his bed and landed face down on the ground, groaning from the pain before standing up again, brushing off his clothes. Taking a peek over to the sleeping forms of his friends, he decided to deal with it himself. It wouldn't be too bad, would it?

  
  


As it turned out, it would.

“Tommy! Tubbo! I think someone got murdered in front of our doorstep!” He rushed to the people lying on the ground, checking them for a thankfully still apparent pulse. Crashes were heard from upstairs and soon he came face to face with his friends, confused and shocked expressions on their faces apparent.

The blonde went over to him and looked down at the three forms before laughing and shaking his head, leaning down and heaving the pink haired god over his shoulder, his inhuman strength allowing him to do it easily.

“Don't worry, I know these guys. Tubs, Ran, help me with bringing the others inside as well would you?”

The both of them were just confused but still complied, Tubbo dragging the brunette with the large gash on their chest while Ranboo took the bird hybrid inside, putting him down on a chair. It was really familiar.

“This whole situation reminds me of when you found me in that forest, Tommy.”

Said blonde just laughed, putting piglin hybrid down on the couch, trying to get him in a comfortable position while Tubbo worked his magic with the brunette on the kitchen table, bandaging wounds. Tommy went over to him and started healing the worst of it all, the telltale golden shimmer and stardust particles gathering around them and seeping into the wounds. In the background, something glowed and Ranboo could only stare in awe as the hybrid’s raven wings glimmered while Tommy used his magic.

“I knew it.”

Tubbo wanted to ask him what that was but the brunette under them moved already, groaning slightly as they sat up, getting helped by the ram.

The raven and the piglin both woke up as well, all at the same time, and they looked around, Tommy walking over to the pink haired man.

“Now, who do I have the honor to meet, bleeding and passed out by my doorstep.”   
He was taking this whole situation and turned it into a game, chin on the backrest of the couch the god was lying on. 

“You know, don't you?”

Tommy just grinned while Techno shook his head and sighed, lying down on the couch again as he felt the heaviness of exhaustion wreck his body.

“Could've figured. I'm the Blood God, or Technoblade as you may call me, blessed one. The idiot who is bleeding out on your table is Wilbur and the winged one is Philza.”

At the insult, an exasparated ‘hey!’ was heard, namely from one god of the overworld. Techno just grinned slightly, betraying his former stoic getup.

Ranboo was sitting on a chair next to the avian, looking at his wings with wide sparkling eyes, as if he had never seen such a thing before.

“So, anyone want to tell me what's going on?”

Tubbo crossed his arms in front of his chest, tapping his foot on the ground impatiently. Tommy just laughed loudly.

“Well, you don't think i wouldn't notice a blessing if i ever saw one, do you? These three are the gods of the three realms, Tubs. And the reason I have all this magic shit going on. Now for the real wuestion though: Why the fuck were you all bleeding out at my doorstep?”

As the loud bickering started up again Ranboo decided to fuck off into his bedroom and pass out.


End file.
